Recently I have added a name to my existing Abha Shahra.
This earlier ‘personality name’ – Abha Shahra, described only my mind and body; but now with deep connection to my awakened soul, it requires that I add an extra dimension to the already existing outer personality name.
So I add Shyama’ – This is the name for the awakened soul in total purity and bhakti, the DOT from where I am connected to God, ShreeNathji.
Abha- Shahra is the Mind-Body; ‘Shyama’- represents my awakened ‘Soul’

Over years I always felt, something from deep inside which tried to take me towards a deeper reality; though not understood by me at that period of time. This pull never let me rest in peace.
Being very, very busy with home and children, I could not devote time to try and understand what this could mean.
This search went deeper as time passed, but in spite of a lot of spiritual reading and meeting various spiritual and religious people I could not find answers.
The acute longing and emptiness and ache that I had with me all through the 40-45 years; in spite of all outer pleasures did not go away.
A few years back I understood this pull as the voice of my soul, which tried to make me aware of my inner reality, trying to awaken me to myself. I do remember that I always put aside this other, inner call of the soul; which gave rise to a lot of emptiness and some questioning;

“Why am I not able to move away from the outer, to my inner dimensions”?

At such moments I recall complaining to God too, “If You want me to move towards my soul awareness, why did You put me in such responsibility ridden situations as it would not be right to give up my present life karma and walk towards my inner identity”.

BhagvadGita  tells us:
 “Wherever one has been placed in the present is all due to the past karmic Len-Den (give and take)”.
The sacred word of Shree Krishn does not permit any soul to move away from their present karmic situations.

As a regular person, living a routine life, this emptiness that always gripped my mind and soul was never fulfilled from anything on the outer. In fact I myself could never understand what was wrong; that I stood aside from all on every occasion. I realized soon, it was my own mind which never let me rejoice; and forced me into searching for different meanings in what we call normal life.

There were moments when I also felt this severe clash of identities.
“Who am I”; what does my heart actually long for?
As time passed, negative karmas cut off and positive ness entered, I understood it was for this divine connection that my soul yearned for. As I entered deeper within, the Shanti-Peace and the Anand-Joy increased and I felt a sense of happiness and satisfaction.
With time I understood from my Gurushree, as how to live in this world totally and yet be a witness to all.

“Renunciation is only of expectations, actions have to be performed to the best and together with the results offered at the feet of the Divine”.

As I went deeper in meditations and encountered the Divine flow within; did I understand that the actual lack which I felt was for the Divine; I mistakenly searched for it in the outer dimensions.
All writing and photography by Abha Shahra Shyama
Copyright © 2014 Abha Shahra Shyama. All rights reserved.